Star of the Millennium

Once upon a time, a guy was standing on bus stop waiting for bus…

Suddenly its started raining heavily and Gusty winds……..before he could realized, his black HAT flew like flash…he tried his best to catch it in strong winds, soon he thought he caught it, it ran away from him again…

He was well gutted n angry…………why the hell I can’t catch it?

Lady standing nearby said: Actually your hat is behind this big stone…that’s my Black hen which you trying to catch..

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Wish I had hair…..Guy replied..

        India v Pak

Three PAKISTANIS and three INDIANS are traveling by  train to a Cricket match at the World Cup, while in England. At the station, the 3 INDIANS buy a ticket each and watch as the three PAKISTANIS buy just one ticket for them all. 

"How are the three of you going to travel on only one ticket?" asks one of the INDIANS. "Watch and learn," answers one of the PAKISTANI. 

They all board the train. The INDIANS take their respective seats but all three PAKISTANIS cram into a toilet and  close the door behind them. 

Shortly after the train departs, the ticket checker comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the  toilet door and says," Ticket please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The ticket checker takes it and moves on. The INDIANS see this and agree that it was quite a clever idea. 

So after the game, they decide to copy the Pakistani style on the return trip and save some money. When  they get to the station, they buy one ticket for there on the return  trip. To their astonishment, the  PAKISTANIS don't buy ticket at all !!! 

"How are you going to travel without a ticket?" says one perplexed INDIANS. "Watch and learn," answers a PAKISTANI. When they board the train the three INDIANS cram into one toilet and soon
after the three PAKISTANIS cram into another nearby toilet. The train departs. 

Shortly afterwards, one of the PAKISTANI leaves the toilet and walks over to the toilet where the INDIANS are hiding. He  knocks on the door and says, "Ticket please." 

The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The PAKISTANI takes the ticket and goes back into his toilet....Lo0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0l 

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People Counter

So there was this People Counter and he entered a village and knocked on a door. A woman answered and he enquired as to who was resident. "Well there is me and my children aged 2 and 4", she replied. "But where is your husband", asked the People Counter. "He died 5 years ago", the woman said………. …………….."hmmmmmmm, where the hell Kids came from then?" gasped the People Counter. "Well…………... I'm still alive! U know..." said the women….

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No reply from People Counter and he moved on to next door….

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Q: How do you keep an idiot busy for hours?
A: Give him a piece of paper with "Please turn over" written on both sides.

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An idiot decides to start up a chicken farm, so he buys a hundred chickens to get up and running.
A month later he returns to the dealer to get another hundred chickens because the first lot had died.
Another month passes and he's back at the dealers for another hundred chickens, "I think I know where I'm going wrong" he tells the dealer,
"I think I'm planting them too deep."

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Govt was so curious to find out the reason, why the hell population of Indian village is growing so rapidly…….They sent an officer to find out why…………….after 1 week they heard from him….The reason is……………"A train passes through village midnight, which wakes up only adults, kids remain asleep………….Oh Well!! "

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There were some interviews going on for a responsible Job….Interview officer was asking all sorts of stupid questions to judge candidates, He asked one candidate, Lets assume, you come to my home and ask for me…My Mrs. comes on door and say, I'm not at home, but you can still come in for Tea, if u like….what would u do?

Candidate thought for a while and said……hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm Can I see picture of your wife?

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~ a long silence from Interview officer ~

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What's the basic difference between Green Chilli and Red Chilli??

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One is Green, One is Red……

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A young man and an old man were fishing on a pier. The young man started telling the old one that the night before he caught a trout that was over 3 1/2 foot long. The old man replied "Oh yea, well I was here 2 nights ago and I >hooked something huge. After a 30 minute fight I finally got it up >and it was an old lant ern and the thing was still lit." The young man said "Your lying. I can't believe that." > >Then the old man said "I'll tell you what, you knock a couple of >foot off your trout and I'll blow out my lantern."

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A plane crashes into a jungle with just one survivor. He is okay though, for he has plenty of food and water from the remains of the plane. But he needs a right load of fun. He is desperate, he has nuts like coconuts. He stumbles around for a few days trying with an assortment of animals where he suddenly arrives in a village. He pleads with a woman there to sleep with him but she insists on taking him to the local nursery school. It's because he is in fact Michael Jackson!

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Three Police Head from US, UK, and Pakistan were having meeting, discussing their efficiencies….the Guy from Us said, if there is any burglary or theft, we catch the person within 3/4 hrs….

Guy from UK said, u r slow….we catch these criminals within 2 hrs……

Guy from Pakistan said, ohh God…that's too long………………………we catch the criminal b4 even something happens…………both Guys from UK & US said, Oh!!! How??????????????? Guy from Pak replied….

cus…………………………….we know who is going to do what? ;)

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There was this village where the houses were so close together, that if the people stood on the roofs of their houses, they could still talk to each other. One night, there was a small lad standing on the roof of his house when his mother called up "come on down…………….it's very late". "No," he replied, "I'm looking at the moon". She said! ask your moon to go home as well now……..

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a silence……………………

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Two women arrived at the same time in Heaven. Sitting on a cloud, they started to talk and discussed how they ended up there. "Well," said the first, "I thought my husband was having an affair. I left work early to try and catch him. When I turned up, I ran into the kitchen and he was standing there looking surprised. There was nobody else there at all. In my delight, my heart exploded and I crumpled to the ground, quite dead." The other women sighed...."what a shame, if you had only opened the fridge door in time, neither of us would have been here"

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There was a man in hospital and another man said "what happened to this man?" and the nurse said "He was lying down, relaxing on a golf course and he yawned and a golf ball went in his mouth." So the man said "Oh, I see. There's a rich man outside who looks very worried. Is he a relative?" And the nurse said "No. He is waiting to get his golf ball back so he can continue with his game."

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A batsman, whilst in wicket, is given 'out' by the umpire for LBW. Disgusted with the decision, he throws his bat to the ground and storms off the pitch. Before leaving the field of play, he spots a man in a white coat and decides to give him a piece of his mind before heading for the changing room. "You need glasses! That decision was a huge mistake". The man in the white coat replied : "No, YOU need glasses. I'm just here selling ice cream!"

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A man was talking to his wife one night. He said "when I die, I want you to marry David". "Why David?" asked his wife. "Well, many years ago, we had a bet. And I lost. I want my revenge"

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A large man would walk around a place and hit people to the ground. He would help them up and then say "look where your going Donkey". Then one day a donkey appeared and he hit it hard, and to the ground it fell. The man was at a loss for words : "what can I say at this moment" he exclaimed.

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A young man and his girlfriend took his lovely car to a lovely beach. After an hour had passed, the young man turned to her and said "I'm afraid you will find out sooner or later, so I may as well tell you now. I'm already married." She let out a sigh of relief and said "oh thank God for that, I thought you were going to say that this car is not yours."

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A man is driving along a highway and sees a rabbit jump out across

the middle of the road. He swerves to avoid hitting it, but unfortunately

the rabbit jumps right in front of the car.

The driver, a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulls over

and gets out to see what has become of the rabbit. Much to his dismay, the

rabbit is dead.

The driver feels so awful that he begins to cry.

A beautiful blonde woman driving down the highway sees a man crying

on the side of the road and pulls over. She steps out of the car and asks the man what's wrong.

"I feel terrible," he explains, "I accidentally hit this rabbit and

killed it."  The blonde says, "Don't worry."

She runs to her car and pulls out a spray can. She walks over to the

limp, dead rabbit, bends down, and sprays the contents onto the rabbit. The rabbit jumps up, waves its paw at the two of them and hops off down the road.

Ten feet away the rabbit stops, turns around and waves again, he

hops down the road another 10 feet, turns and waves, hops another ten feet, turns and waves, and repeats this again and again and again, until he hops out of sight.

The man is astonished.

He runs over to the woman and demands, "What is in that can? What

did you spray on that rabbit?"

The woman turns the can around so that the man can read the label.

It says...

"Hair Spray - Restores life to dead hair, adds permanent wave."

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So there was this telecoms engineer who had a habit of listening to other people's calls. One day, he connected his equipment in the exchange and started to listen to two people on the phone who were trying to arrange a money transfer. One of the persons kept trying to hear the other person on the other end of the phone who was saying "send me the 200 pounds, send me the 200 pounds". "What are you saying?" said the first person, but couldn't hear the message at all. But the telecoms engineer could and after a while of listening to all this he interjected the conversation and said aloud "please, send her the 200 pounds!". After a small startled delay, the first person then said indignantly, "if you can hear her, why don't you send her the 200 pounds!"

~~~~await stunned reaction~~~~

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Three nuns were talking.......

The first nun said "I was cleaning in Father's room the other day and do you know what I found? A bunch of pornographic magazines"

"What did you do?", the other nuns asked. "Well, of course I threw them in the trash."

The second nun said, " Well, I can top that. I was in Fathers room putting away the laundry and I found a bunch of condoms!"

"Oh my!" gasped the other nuns. "What did you do?", they asked

"I poked holes in all of them!", she replied.

The third nun said "Why has Michael Jackson got such a high pitched voice?" The first nun said "Because his voice hasn't broken."

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A man turns up at a local park to try and join the football team. He is dismayed to discover that he can't kick

the ball! Soon, his team mates get fed up and don't even pass the ball to him. Then the trainer wandered over

to him and said "I think I can see what the problem is - you have no legs!"

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A teacher turned up to his class and was seen by one of his students to be wearing odd socks. One was red and one was green. "Why are you wearing those odd socks?" asked the student. "Yes, I'm sorry.", replied the teacher, "I have had these socks for ages and decided to wear them. And I have another pair just like them at home."

Founder: Mubashar Mahmood (AvSoft) 

Official Transcript by Karl Malin (Avsoft)

Submit spices at: mubashar75@hotmail.com

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Copyrights © 2004